Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

I hope they have a better cover for the Blu-Ray.

Directed by: Rich Moore (he directed many awesome episodes of “The Simpsons” and “Futurama”)

Written by: The screenplay was written by Phil Johnston and Jennifer Lee, based on a story by Johnston, Rich Moore and Jim Reardon.

Starring: The vocal talents of John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Alan Tudyk, Mindy Kaling, Ed O’Neill, Joe Lo Truglio and many other voice over artists.

What it’s about: a villain from a classic video game decides he wants to be a good guy for once, putting the entire arcade in jeopardy

B-Movie Alternate Title: 8-Bit Ralph… I don’t know, I can’t think of one right now

What I liked: I loved the entire movie.  I was fully prepared to be cynical and dismissal of it, but NO, it ended up being completely awesome, and not just from a classic video game fan’s perspective, but also from a movie fan’s viewpoint.  It is superbly well-written, perfectly cast (my god, Sarah Silverman was AMAZING), looks absolutely gorgeous (especially with all the environment changes from the different games), the story is tremendous (not to mention surprising, my god I can’t remember the last time I was legit surprised by a plot development) and immediately after I finished watching it, I wanted to watch it again.  It is easily the best animated Disney movie since Bolt (which – if you recall – does not lend itself to repeated viewings in a positive manner), and possibly greater than Lilo & Stitch.  It also reminded me greatly of The Iron Giant, and that is one of the highest compliments I can pay a film.

What I disliked: Shut up, get out of here.

Would I recommend it to anyone?: Yes, even people that aren’t gamers would still be able to enjoy and understand it.  It is altogether excellent.

Rating: 5 / 5

Best Animated Feature Oscar Ratings: 1. Wreck-It Ralph 2. Brave

Zangief describing the kind of women he likes.

Cars 2 (2011)

In preparation for writing this, I re-read my old review of Cars from way back in 2006 to make sure I didn’t really repeat myself and to see how much I disliked the movie.  Looking at the rating I gave it (3.5/5) reminds me that for all the shit I give my old pretentious movie-reviewing self, I was also far too forgiving.  Or maybe I could just stomach Cars that much more than the sequel, because holy hell I did not like Cars 2 at all.

Normally I have the highest of praise for anything Pixar-related because the movies they make, make me feel.  The only things Cars 2 made me feel were depressed and dead inside.  Pretty much everyone agrees that the first Cars was Pixar’s weakest film to date, and that the only reason a sequel was made is because memorabilia and toys from the first movie continues to make hundreds of millions of dollars for Disney, because little boys like car toys.

This is a movie that maintains the original absolutely dumb premise of the cars talking/living in a world where there are no humans apparently which – again – MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.  But, I digress.  It also contains that offensively racist comedian, Larry the Cable Guy, providing the voice for Mater, the offensively racist tow truck.  There is so much Mater in this movie, that it should not be called Cars 2 without some absurd sub-title relating to Mater being attached to it.  It also contains what I perceive to be the weakest attention to detail for a Pixar movie ever.  You look at some of the scenes with Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) in them, and the headlights on him appear to have all the depth of a decal.

The vocal casting continues the first movie’s tradition of catering to ethnic stereotypes whilst barely straddling the line of being racist.  That being said, I enjoyed some of the performances, and that is the only reason this movie rates at all with me.  I didn’t go into watching Cars 2 expecting something emotional like Up, but I was still hoping that it would be at least as alright as the first Cars, not the terribly hollow and moronic movie I got instead.  When the Fast & Furious Franchise is more appealing to me than a Pixar movie, you know it cannot be good by any stretch of the imagination.

This is easily the worst movie that Pixar has ever made, and hopefully will always be that way.

0.5 / 5

Carrie (1976)

If anything, watching older Brian De Palma movies is giving me a new-found appreciation for Nancy Allen, so there’s that.  Since I watched Blow Out the other day, I’ve decided to revisit older De Palma movies that I had not seen and had reputations of being classics.  I’ll also be watching The Black Dahlia.  This is the original 1976 version of Carrie, not the 1999 sequel, nor the 2002 TV movie version that was designed to set up a TV series.

If I’m learning anything from watching older De Palma movies, it’s that he doesn’t have a gift for making movies timeless.  Yes, I can sit here and say that it’s a great movie, but a teenager nowadays, in 2011, is most likely going to find it laughable.  It’s not just technology and clothes, it’s atmosphere, it’s execution.  Perhaps if Bernard Herrmann hadn’t died before the film was completed, the score wouldn’t be so jarringly bad (in my opinion).  It’s the acting too, and this movie does have great acting – Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie were deservedly nominated for Oscars – but there’s also just jaw-droppingly bad acting throughout.  AND WHAT THE HELL WAS WITH THAT VOMIT-INDUCING PROM DANCE SPINNING SHIT.  Horrible!

It’s certainly a good movie, but there are a load of flaws throughout and SPOILER ALERT why was the killing of two of the biggest assholes in movie history, John Travolta and Nancy Allen’s characters, so goddamn anti-climatic and emotionless.  Carrie (Spacek) was fucking PISSED and all she did was spin their car out and turn it into a fireball.  I don’t even know if she knew who was in the car at the time.  I’m not sure if the ending to the movie has been highly praised or what, but De Palma knows shit about ending his movies in a satisfactory fashion.

3.5 / 5