Rounders (1998)

I remember seeing Rounders in a theatre, and many times over the years because it is a good movie to provide background noise and drop into occasionally.  If you’ve never heard of it, well that’s odd, since there is no way the World Poker Tour or any of its variants would be as popular as they are these days if it weren’t for this movie.  It’s a very clichéd movie, but pleasingly so.  The lines that come out of some of the characters mouths have little to no weight to them, but they are meant to be powerful to one another.  The storyline is one we’ve seen over and over again, but again, it is pleasing and entertaining.

When I last wrote a review for Rounders, I gave it full marks, five out of five.  I can’t do that anymore.  It’s a very good movie, with decent drama and mounting tension when Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) finally gets near the end of his rope thanks to the near-crippling debt Worm (Edward Norton) has put him in, but it never feels out of control.  Kind of like the Ocean’s Trilogy, in that yes, they are constantly in danger, but they are just too cool to go down like that.

There’s some decent acting going on here as well, notably the scenery-chewing of Norton and John Malkovich as a Russian poker player, as well as the toned-down performances of Damon and Martin Landau.  Gretchen Mol also appears, and I believe this was the movie that was going to catapult her into “It Girl” status.  That never really panned out, though she certainly had a great look to her (and being completely male here, a fantastic rack), and it wouldn’t be until just recently where she started achieving any notable stardom with her role on “Boardwalk Empire”.

Very good movie, easy to watch, enjoyable performances, and easily the best Poker movie of all time.  Not that I can recall seeing enough to justify making a list of that type.  I need to upgrade my original DVD version to the Blu-Ray, because it isn’t anamorphic and looks goddamn stupid.

3.5 / 5

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

I promise you that I do still watch new movies and that I can still write new reviews, and that I don’t think everything is a 5-star movie.  Sometimes you just wanna watch something that you haven’t seen in years, and luckily I have a review already written that still applies.  And here it is:

This is going to be one of those reviews where the outcome is fairly obvious from the get-go. I’m a pretty big fan of the Coen brothers, as they always seem to make their movies because they love them, not just because they’re a hot property or shocking real life event. In fact, one of the tag lines behind Fargo was that it was Based on Actual Events, when in reality, it was just another one of those kooky Coen brothers ideas. Or an amalgamation of two previous crimes, whatever. Anyways, the Coens went so far as to say that they’d never read “The Odyssey” written centuries ago by Homer, when the whole movie is basically a modern retelling of that tale. Kind of like 10 Things I Hate About You, only with much less high school. And an Odyssey that they go on.

Besides the fact that O Brother is a gorgeous looking movie, it also boasts an engaging plot that pulls the viewer along. This wouldn’t be possible if the characters going on the journey were unlikable smart alecks. Thankfully, George Clooney infuses Everett with every bit of buffoonish charm that he’s been storing up since leaving “Roseanne” years and years ago. Clooney plays Everett as the leader of the trio of prison escapees, though I’d say it’s more by lack of smarts in both Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson) and Pete (John Turturro) rather than Everett being a born leader.

Delmar is a wonderfully naive fellow, while Pete plays the part of the cynical one. Both are remarkably winning despite having to play second fiddle to Everett for most of the movie. They do get their moments to shine in the sun though, have no fear. The rest of the cast reads like a Coen brothers Hall of Fame: John Goodman, Holly Hunter, Charles Durning, etc. All of them know what they’re getting into with the Coens, and know exactly how to play their parts. Bah, this whole review is just going to be saying how much I love this movie, so we’ll skip to my only minor quibble.

What is the time frame for this film? At the beginning of the movie, Everett mentions that they have four days to retrieve the treasure before it’s under a lake. Yet, once the Soggy Bottom Boys single takes off, it’s in stores THE NEXT DAY!? Then other customers come in and ask for it, and so on. Yet by the end of the movie, Everett and the boys make their way just in time to the place where the treasure was supposed to be. Plus, the pacing of the movie, what with the occasional montages and such, would seem to indicate that the whole journey took two weeks or so.

That’s just something that bugs me in hindsight about the movie. While I’m watching it though, I’m loving every minute of it. From Pete’s womanly screams when they encounter the hot Sirens, to Delmar’s hilarious frog assumption. Mostly though, it’s all about enjoying Clooney while he’s up there, acting like an idiot, purely for the love of the Coen brothers movies, and to prove that he’s a far better actor than he’s ever been credited for. Although I guess he did win an Oscar that one year for Syriana. Anyways, everyone should watch this movie and love it.

5 / 5

Cars 2 (2011)

In preparation for writing this, I re-read my old review of Cars from way back in 2006 to make sure I didn’t really repeat myself and to see how much I disliked the movie.  Looking at the rating I gave it (3.5/5) reminds me that for all the shit I give my old pretentious movie-reviewing self, I was also far too forgiving.  Or maybe I could just stomach Cars that much more than the sequel, because holy hell I did not like Cars 2 at all.

Normally I have the highest of praise for anything Pixar-related because the movies they make, make me feel.  The only things Cars 2 made me feel were depressed and dead inside.  Pretty much everyone agrees that the first Cars was Pixar’s weakest film to date, and that the only reason a sequel was made is because memorabilia and toys from the first movie continues to make hundreds of millions of dollars for Disney, because little boys like car toys.

This is a movie that maintains the original absolutely dumb premise of the cars talking/living in a world where there are no humans apparently which – again – MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.  But, I digress.  It also contains that offensively racist comedian, Larry the Cable Guy, providing the voice for Mater, the offensively racist tow truck.  There is so much Mater in this movie, that it should not be called Cars 2 without some absurd sub-title relating to Mater being attached to it.  It also contains what I perceive to be the weakest attention to detail for a Pixar movie ever.  You look at some of the scenes with Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) in them, and the headlights on him appear to have all the depth of a decal.

The vocal casting continues the first movie’s tradition of catering to ethnic stereotypes whilst barely straddling the line of being racist.  That being said, I enjoyed some of the performances, and that is the only reason this movie rates at all with me.  I didn’t go into watching Cars 2 expecting something emotional like Up, but I was still hoping that it would be at least as alright as the first Cars, not the terribly hollow and moronic movie I got instead.  When the Fast & Furious Franchise is more appealing to me than a Pixar movie, you know it cannot be good by any stretch of the imagination.

This is easily the worst movie that Pixar has ever made, and hopefully will always be that way.

0.5 / 5

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

First of all, I’m pissed that this is the third Transformers movie and where the hell is Judd Nelson?  Secondly, it isn’t as bad as Revenge of the Fallen was, I mean, how could it be, right?  That thing was a steaming pile of excrement.  However, just because it’s better, doesn’t mean it’s good.  I’m sure a more anal-retentive person that cares more about Transformers could dissect all the plot holes in this film and rage for hours, but since I don’t care about the mythology and long ago learned to divorce source material from film (thank you Bourne trilogy), I’m not going to do that.

All I’m going to say is that it is a far less racist film than the preceding one.  There’s a tonne of name actors and That Guys in the movie, and the best portions of the movie involve the awesome Alan Tudyk.  Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a less impressive Megan Fox, just as Ken Jeong is a less impressive Rainn Wilson.  The “twist” can be seen a mile away (and I need to find a new metaphor for that), and the fight scenes contain much robot-on-robot violence and thousands of humans dying.  It is ridiculous and easily the most tragic thing I’ve seen today.  Patrick Dempsey lets us all have a little therapy by finally acting like the douchebag we want him to be, but sadly gets owned by Shia LaBeouf.  And other things happen.

It’s not a good movie, not even average for what I would expect a popcorn movie to be.  It won’t make you forget about how terrible Revenge of the Fallen was, and it is far too long by about 45 minutes.  If you must see it, watch it, but you have been warned, human.

2 / 5