Sky High (2005)

I can’t remember where I came across an article on this movie, but it definitely made Sky High sound cool and like I just missed out on it when it came out.  I forgot it was a Disney family movie, and I found out there were also ideas of turning it into a TV series after the theatrical run.  The TV series would of course run on the Disney Channel, home of such cloyingly terrible fare as “Hannah Montana” and “That’s SO Raven!”  The last damning part is that it was directed by Mike Mitchell, a dude who has one of the worst looking IMDb profiles in regards to his movies.  Seriously, the dude is terrrrrrrrrrible.

Basically the premise behind Sky High is that it’s Hogwarts for super hero offspring.  That’s it.  And there is potential in that idea, and you don’t even have to go to the other extreme by making it dark and gritty like today’s comic book movies.  There’s a happy middle ground somewhere there, but this movie goes the Disney Channel route and – while there are certainly charming aspects to it – comes off as one step above “Sesame Street”.

There are fun performances from great character actors, namely Bruce Campbell, Jim Rash, Dave Foley and others.  Kurt Russell looks the part of an All-American superhero, and his onscreen wife Kelly Preston, well, she certainly fills that costume out nicely.  It was good to see Mary Elizabeth Winstead back when she was younger… er, I wish there were a less creepy way to phrase that sentence.

Anyways, maybe kids would like it more than adults, but the kids would miss out on how “totally rad” the inexplicable ’80s covers that comprise the soundtrack are.  Seriously, they’re horrrrrrrrible.

2.5 / 5

Cars 2 (2011)

In preparation for writing this, I re-read my old review of Cars from way back in 2006 to make sure I didn’t really repeat myself and to see how much I disliked the movie.  Looking at the rating I gave it (3.5/5) reminds me that for all the shit I give my old pretentious movie-reviewing self, I was also far too forgiving.  Or maybe I could just stomach Cars that much more than the sequel, because holy hell I did not like Cars 2 at all.

Normally I have the highest of praise for anything Pixar-related because the movies they make, make me feel.  The only things Cars 2 made me feel were depressed and dead inside.  Pretty much everyone agrees that the first Cars was Pixar’s weakest film to date, and that the only reason a sequel was made is because memorabilia and toys from the first movie continues to make hundreds of millions of dollars for Disney, because little boys like car toys.

This is a movie that maintains the original absolutely dumb premise of the cars talking/living in a world where there are no humans apparently which – again – MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.  But, I digress.  It also contains that offensively racist comedian, Larry the Cable Guy, providing the voice for Mater, the offensively racist tow truck.  There is so much Mater in this movie, that it should not be called Cars 2 without some absurd sub-title relating to Mater being attached to it.  It also contains what I perceive to be the weakest attention to detail for a Pixar movie ever.  You look at some of the scenes with Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) in them, and the headlights on him appear to have all the depth of a decal.

The vocal casting continues the first movie’s tradition of catering to ethnic stereotypes whilst barely straddling the line of being racist.  That being said, I enjoyed some of the performances, and that is the only reason this movie rates at all with me.  I didn’t go into watching Cars 2 expecting something emotional like Up, but I was still hoping that it would be at least as alright as the first Cars, not the terribly hollow and moronic movie I got instead.  When the Fast & Furious Franchise is more appealing to me than a Pixar movie, you know it cannot be good by any stretch of the imagination.

This is easily the worst movie that Pixar has ever made, and hopefully will always be that way.

0.5 / 5