Cop Out (2010)

National Lampoon's Stupid Weapon oh kill me now

National Lampoon’s Stupid Weapon oh kill me now

Directed by: Kevin Smith (his best movie will most likely always end up being Chasing Amy, which used to be in my Top Five of All Time)

Written by: Mark and Robb Cullen

Starring: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Pollak, Adam Brody, Rashida Jones, Guillermo Diaz, Seann William Scott, Jason Lee and Michelle Trachtenberg.

What it’s about: two wacky cop partners get wrapped up in something stupid

B-Movie Alternate Title: Stupid Cops

Movie Mash Up: The Last Boy Scout – everything great about it

What I liked: I generally enjoy seeing Bruce Willis in movies, so that was a high point.  Kevin Pollak, also.  Moving on.

What I disliked: I don’t get how Tracy Morgan is popular for just spitting out goddamn non sequiturs.  He was pretty terrible to watch in this movie, and since he was Willis’ partner, they pretty much share every scene of the running time, which made it particularly torturous for me.  The writing was bad, the action was bad, the acting was bad, it was just bad in general.  The humour is grade school dick and fart jokes without being ironic or Jackass-level brilliance.  I think there was one scene that actually made me laugh out loud in the movie.  Why do I even own this movie?  Does anyone want it?

Would I recommend it to anyone?: No, it is a pretty dumb cop action comedy with very little to enjoy.

Rating: 1.5 / 5

This is close to the scene that made me laugh.  Movie magic.

This is close to the scene that made me laugh. Movie magic.


The Dictator (2012)

I’m not a big fan of Sacha Baron Cohen at all.  I enjoy him, in measured doses though.  I thought Borat was wonderfully brilliant, a near perfectly executed film.  I attempted to watch Brüno, got about 10 minutes into it and had to turn it off.  Me stopping a movie is a damned rarity.  Other than that one, the only other film I can recall that I’ve stopped watching was The Last Airbender.  I’m sure there have been more in my life, but I just have abolished all memory of them from my brains.

I know what I’m going to get – for the most part – from a Cohen movie, especially one that was directed by Larry Charles.  It will feature several uncomfortable scenes, subversive and offensive behaviours, probable male nudity, some potentially gross female nudity (sorry ladies, I like my boobs to be normal-sized), etc. etc.  For guys that like to do things differently, they certainly have established a formula for themselves.  Sometimes it works, but it depends on the execution of the film.  As a mockumentary-type, Borat was excellent.  It was MEANT to be awkward, etc. but with The Dictator, it just seems to be lazy, obvious satire.  Like a Scary Movie.

There were times during The Dictator that I laughed, I’ll admit it.  I felt a bit dirty during those moments, not going to lie.  Some of the scenes just do not work at all (the helicopter scene is completely wrong based on the previously established motivations of the characters, for example) and are just painful to sit through.  Not in one of those awkward “The Office” senses though, just questioning why I’m putting myself through it.  There are probably more laughs to be had if you’re a racist, so there’s that.  I didn’t enjoy it.

1 / 5

The Smurfs (2011)

After watching The Smurfs, I was not at all shocked to find out that two of the writers also wrote Zookeeper, and the other couple were writers on some of the Shrek movies.  Now, since this is my blog and all, let me tell you all why Pixar movies – aside from the Cars movies – are all timeless classics: because they don’t make flash-in-the-pan pop culture references that are funny for five minutes after the film is over and then when you watch it 10 years later you don’t even crack a grin.

I could sit down and write an essay about all that is wrong with The Smurfs but that’s all negated by the fact that I wasn’t going to spend $10 to go see it no matter who was in it because I don’t have children (or as I’ve heard them termed before, parasites).  This movie was not made with my terribly depressing demographic in mind (early 30s single childless male in case you were wondering).  However, I’d be surprised if kids nowadays even knew what a Smurf was to begin with, let alone why they should be excited about seeing a movie about tiny blue dudes and one girl.  Can you imagine the questions they’d ask?

Thankfully, Patrick Winslow (Neil Patrick Harris) asks many of those questions to the Smurfs and to my never-ending frustration, they don’t give him any answers!  Let me boil the plot of the movie down for you: it’s Enchanted minus the fun.  There’s a number of talented comedic actors and actresses in the movie, and George Lopez too.  I can’t go full zero for the movie, as it wasn’t altogether a disaster.  There’s some fun self-referential meta Smurfs humour in the script, some decent performances and animation, and the new Narrator Smurf (Tom Kane) makes it a little bearable.

Shockingly, I enjoyed it more than Cars 2 and that is so depressing to have happen.

1.5 / 5