2012 (2009)

Sweet merciful fuck

Sweet merciful fuck

Happy Apocalypse Day everyone!

Directed by: Roland Emmerich (I enjoyed The Day After Tomorrow for what it was, but in my opinion, The Patriot would be his best movie, and certainly not Godzilla)

Written by: Harald Kloser and Roland Emmerich, that disaster-seeking sicko

Starring: John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Oliver Platt, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson, Thomas McCarthy, John Billingsley, George Segal, Jimi Mistry, Chin Han and Stephen McHattie.

What it’s about: the end of the world, son, the end of the world

B-Movie Alternate Title: When Waves Attack!

Movie Mash Up: like some sort of unholy hybrid of The Day After Tomorrow and The American President, divided by Con Air

What I liked: I liked that John Cusack had a box office hit.  He seems to be about due for one of those every 10 years or so.  The special effects were pretty great, and this is pretty much the disaster movie to end all disaster movies… without actually being Disaster Movie.  Chiwetel Ejiofor manages to infuse far too much emotion into his performance, and for that he should be commended.  Oliver Platt does his Oliver Platt thing, which I enjoy.  Also, the Queen brought her Corgis with her, and that means that in the future there will still be Corgis.

What I disliked: The running time was so long that I forgot the things that took place at the beginning that I was going to talk about.  It’s a formula disaster movie, which means you can pretty much pick out who will live and who will die when you first meet them.  There’s no real imagination to the movie, just lots of science that seems terrifying.  The shocking violence and destruction in this movie should be goddamn traumatic to young children, but they’re probably already desensitized anyways.  Seriously, millions, probably billions of people casually die in this movie, and pretty much 99.9% of the cast is all “fuck ’em GET ME ON THAT THING!”  So many implausible things take place in this movie, implausible even for the end of the world.  I would suggest that while yes, we should get over “that whole 9/11 thing”, some of the scenes can be construed as remarkably hurtful to the people who went through that.

Would I recommend it to anyone?: Well, it would be a great movie to watch on Blu-Ray with a high end system, if you go for that sort of thing.  I guess I’d recommend it so everyone can see the ultimate disaster movie of all time… for now.

Rating: 1.5 / 5

Someone thought this movie wasn't terribly offensive enough.

Someone thought this movie wasn’t terribly offensive enough.

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About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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