Haywire (2012)

Remember No Holds Barred?  Come on, of course you do.  The entire movie was centred around catapulting Hulk Hogan into the pop culture stratosphere.  He was a pro wrestling icon at that point, and of course the easiest role for him to play would be a world famous wrestler and then $$$$, right?  No.  It fucking sucked and people actually said they couldn’t buy him as a pro wrestler in the movie, even though that is what he was.  Did it make him a huge movie star?  No, he is not starring in The Expendables 2: Expending All Over Your Asses like other action hero icons of the ’80s.  So I was super skeptical when it was announced that MMA athlete/fighter/whatever they call them Gina Carano was going to be acting in a Steven Soderbergh movie.  Not because of Hulk Hogan, but because Carano’s career didn’t really seem to jive with most of the Soderbergh movies I had seen.

Generally speaking, a Soderbergh movie can sometimes come off as too clever for its own good.  Yes, Ocean’s Eleven was a super great movie, and Out of Sight is still in my All Time Top Five Movies, but Soderbergh has also bravely misstepped.  To be fair, none of his missteps were altogether awful, they were just average movies, something we didn’t expect from him.  Haywire is somewhere along those lines.

It’s a sorta spy thriller focused almost entirely upon Mallory Kane (Carano), an ass-kicking agent working for some agency doing some sort of agent-y things for shady people.  Seriously, Carano is onscreen for probably 80% of the film, and she’s almost James Bond-esque.  You never truly believe she’s in any danger because she is MALLORY KANE.  The movie is a vehicle for her to achieve success in another type of arena than MMA.  The part wasn’t created for her only because she is a legit ass-kicker, but also because duh, she’s an attractive woman.

Unfortunately, the movie never really showcases that playful side of her.  It’s a fairly paint by the numbers spy thriller / intrigue film, with some decent action set pieces, but ultimately so dry that it’s almost lifeless.  There’s no suspense because MALLORY KANE owns all.  I enjoyed it, but it was pretty much exactly what I expected from it, though I had no idea so many great actors were in the cast.

3 / 5


About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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