A Christmas Carol (2009)

For the life of me, I cannot conceive of an audience that this movie is for.  Immediately upon hearing about the movie I couldn’t think of a single person that would want to see another Jim Carrey Christmas film, let alone one where the filming style was Robert Zemeckis’ horrifying motion capture experiments that he keeps foisting upon people.  WHY make motion capture movies?  Either animate them, or shoot them live action, WHYYYYYYYY MELD THEM IN AN UNHOLY TERRIFYING FASHION?  It is a crime against humanity, and I speak without hyperbole when I say that Zemeckis is a human rights criminal and should be strung up if he continues these mad scientist experiments.

The only way I could recommend this movie to anyone would be in the rare instance where a parent actually wants to terrify their child to the point where they will not fall asleep on Christmas Eve.  Rare?  I don’t think it has nor ever will happen.  It is like a shiny legendary Pokemon, an event so rare that you will wear out your DS power button trying to accomplish it.  It will make you curse Zemeckis for trying  again and again to make his horrible idea accepted by mass audiences.  When Scrooge laughs at the end, his eyes are so dead that you think he’s just fucking with Bob Cratchit and THAT IS UNINTENTIONAL AND NOT THE POINT OF THE SCENE.

Much like Kevin Nash, no matter how many times you repackage him in WCW, until you let him be himself, he will never get over.  So Robert Zemeckis, please, let motion capture animation die.  Just let it be animation.  There is no reason to haunt people with scary Christmas movies.  Oh, and while I’m at it with Christmas wishes, STOP ANY ATTEMPTS TO MAKE Ghostbusters 3.  Thank you, Jesus.

0 / 5


About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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