Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (2011)

Ugh, I don’t even know where to begin with how horribly bad this movie is.  I used to enjoy Robert Rodriguez and his movies and then I kind of wised up and re-evaluated them and it turns out they weren’t that good in the first place.  Seriously, there is so much wrong with everything in this movie that I just don’t even know where to begin and it appears I’ve gotten stuck in some time loop.  OH GREAT.  Thanks a lot Robert Rodriguez!

First of all, there’s the entire misconception about what the hell time actually is.  Time, as we know it, is just something that was kind of invented to keep us all sane.  The passage of time has everything to do with things getting older, so when the central premise of the movie is that time is being sped up, well that should mean everyone is rapidly aging.  But no.  It’s making clocks go faster.  Seriously, that’s the worst thing about this whole evil plan.  There aren’t even calendar pages flapping in the wind.  IT IS DUMB.

I have no problem with Jessica Alba being in this movie, as it is totally up her alley and not challenging in the least.  The problems I have are that Joel McHale and Ricky Gervais are in it!  Dudes are so far beyond this movie that I’m convinced they were tricked into being in it.  At least Gervais is only voicing a dog.  Jeremy Piven is an asshole, so I’m okay with him being in a shitty movie.  I am happy to report that what I foretold years ago – that Alexa Vega would grow up to be ridiculously attractive – came true and I can feel far less creepy about it now.

I’m not going to say that Spy Kids 4 is the worst movie ever, but it’s easily one of the worst movies of the year.  And that whole 3D coming back a couple years back thing?  Yeah, blame Rodriguez’ Spy Kids 3D: Game Over for that.  Making me rage even more.

0 / 5

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About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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