The Ward (2011)

October is not starting well.  Yesterday’s pseudo-horror (but not really) Red State and now today’s The Ward.  Only reason I wanted to see this is because the world’s hottest lesbian and all around fetching eye candy Amber Heard was in it.  Then, super bonus, Lyndsy Fonseca is also in it, and “Mad Men”‘s Jared Harris too!  Oh I guess it’s also a John Carpenter movie (first since 2001’s Ghosts of Mars).  I was about to say Carpenter’s best movie might have been They Live but then I look at his filmography and he’s made a lot of awesome movies.  This is not one of them.

The horror genre is – in this humble movie guru’s eyes – tired, played out, cheesy, stupid, and insulting.  Some movie goers see things like Paranormal Activity or The Blair Witch Project and bitch that “nothing happens” in them.  Apparently, something happening only counts when it’s a cartoonish ghoulish villain, not psychological terror so scary that if it happened to them in real life, they’d wet their pants.  The Ward is in the first camp.  “Scares” that are so telegraphed they might as well have a theme song.  And the plot twist.  SPOILER ALERT I remember that plot twist the first time I saw it, when it was called Identity.  AND THAT STUPID NONSENSE BULLSHIT HORROR MOVIE ENDING FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN IT IS A HORROR MOVIE.  Seriously, if someone can explain what the fuck it means without sounding like an idiot, I’ll give mad props to you on my Twitter.

Lyndsy Fonseca, please stop teasing us all by getting naked in movies and not showing.  That is all.

1 / 5

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About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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