Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

A billion dollars.  This unnecessary movie made over a billion dollars.  Fuck that.  What the fuck is wrong with movie-going audiences, where they will willingly slap their money down for something that they’ve seen before?  Something that isn’t going to challenge them, that’s going to be exactly what they expect it to be?  WHY?  OH WAIT.  This one was in 3D and had Ian McShane in it!  Ooooooh.  Goddammit.

The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is pretty much the cinematic equivalent of a Rube Goldberg device.  Contrived action set pieces do not a good movie make.  I was going to say that the movies have been steadily decreasing in quality, but At World’s End was a fucking dreck of a movie, and this one is marginally better.  There’s just no point to them (and yes, you could argue that there’s no point to any movie’s existence) and they do nothing but make money and oh look I answered my own damn question.

I thought the first Pirates movie was quite good, that it told a great story and featured a wonderful performance from Johnny Depp, whom I normally have a distaste for.  Now here he is, eight years and three movies later still doing the same schtick.  Which is fine for him, he seems to enjoy it and makes scads of money off of it, but it’s not challenging anymore.  These movies are like the Easy setting on video games.  There are no challenges to them.  I’m sure they’ll make a fifth one, Depp will say it’s his last one, and four years later someone will suggest rebooting the franchise.

2 / 5


About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

One Response to Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

  1. Portugal says:

    This movie pales in comparison to the first. It is not as good as the second or third either. It is bad enough that I actually had to stop watching it and take a break. It just seems cheesy to the point of being stupid. There are a few scenes that make it watchable though. The mermaid scene is really cool and reminds me of the quality of the first movie alot.

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