Water for Elephants (2011)

Today (Ed. note this was written on August 20th), a man that had a reputation for torturing me through the films of others re-entered my life in the form of a Tweet, saying my Movie A Day project would go over well if I accepted the movie challenges of others to review.  This is a man who once dared me to watch Batman & Robin for a second time and he is a sonuvabitch for having done so, though the review that it spawned was well-received.  In fact, the review was adapted into a play, and well, the results speak for themselves.

So this shady Brit made his challenge, and to my utter disappointment, some sad sack fuck had actually uploaded to a torrenting site and I now had access to it.  I also try to watch the newer releases so this blog thing can maybe show up in search engines somehow (which might mean I start action packing my tags with things like BRITNEY LINDSAY NAKED PHOTOS VIDEO SEX etc.), so I also totally did not torrent Water for Elephants because that would be bad and might totally help put Blockbuster out of its misery.  In hindsight, maybe I should have watched 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain instead.

It’s not a terrible movie, but the chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon leaves such a bland taste in your mouth that you might as well be chewing on a piece of cardboard covered in cake icing.  Pretty on the outside, dry and flavourless beneath.  The only redeeming quality the movie had was because of the wonderful Christoph Waltz.  Yes, you know he’s going to be a bad man as soon as you see him, but he just makes being bad look so fun.  I was also not surprised to learn that the novel the film was adapted from was a novel written during National Novel Writing Month, because it seems to have just that much depth to it.

The elephant was also enjoyable.

2 / 5

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About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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