Your Highness (2011)

A long time ago, on a different blog hosting site far, far away (Russia now), I wrote a review for Howl’s Moving Castle in which I made mention that it contained Billy Crystal’s best performance ever because the dialogue he provided was limited by the animation for the American dub.  He wasn’t around to riff constantly, ad-libbing and so forth (granted, any competent editor or director would find the best deliveries for the movie in theory).  Danny McBride and everyone involved in Your Highness need to figure out why they script movies.

I cannot imagine what the pitch for Your Highness had to be to win over the studio.  “The guy from ‘Eastbound & Down’ came up with this medieval movie idea!  He has an outline written down, and he swears he’s working on the rest of the script and it’ll be ready by the time we’re ready to shoot!” “Can we put James Franco in it?”  “Uh, sure, his reps have already expressed an interest in it!”  “We also need a hot, young, talented actress to strip down to her thong for this one scene.”  “That’s exactly what Natalie Portman said she wanted to do after losing herself in Black Swan!”  “LET’S MAKE IT *throws money*”  “HURRAH!”

The thing is, I don’t know if a written script would have actually helped the movie or not.  There’s just so much wrong with it.  For every time I laughed during the movie, there were nine other scenes when I seriously debated just turning it off.  But I held out for Natalie Portman’s ass, and in doing so was rewarded with even more tits!  I know these actors are all talented, but this was just a colossal fuckstorm of shit.

1 / 5

There, now you don’t have to watch the movie.

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About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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