Ready to Rumble (2000)

So I watched this terrible movie, and when I watch a bad movie, well, I Live Tweet it.

– #raw was so underwhelming that I have decided to watch #ReadytoRumble you have been warned

– pretty sure there’s been tonnes of Kings in wrestling Harley Race, Haku, Jim Duggan, Randy Savage, Booker T, @RealKingRegal

– is that Zachary Quinto? #ReadytoRumble holy shit he just hallucinated Randy Savage

– jesus christ, why do you keep smelling his bitter, sour ass?

– because a movie about pro wrestling needs more homo-eroticism introduced into it

– I can’t believe someone financed the production of this movie; PUT ON YOUR GODDAMN SEATBELTS DAVID ARQUETTE & SCOTT CAAN

– watching this movie I am fucking shocked that WCW ever went out of business

– throwing a bag of food at customers is NOT good customer service; this movie is to blame for the horrible standards nowadays

– oh please pull the trigger, all three of you, shoot bullets so fast they stop time & this movie from going on

– oh hey, there’s #ReyMysterio unmasked; which one of these Nitro Girls married Shawn Michaels? Whisper?

– fuck, this is just horrible, DDP, Bam Bam Bigelow, Sid Vicious, even Goldberg deserved better than this.. maybe not Goldberg

– Konnan, Saturn, Hennig, & Oliver Platt threatening to rape DDP & rapping: I just cried a little

– Joe Pantoliano looking like old Bret Hart, WAIT WRESTLING IS FAKE? WHAT? They didn’t call that spot!

– It’s a shoot brotha! Charles Robinson gets shoved, that should be a DQ! #ReadytoRumble DDP has a leathery ass? #shootcomments

– so is this a no DQ match? This script has more levels than #Inception

– I think #ReadytoRumble is the real reason Perry Saturn went into hiding for years

– because this movie hasn’t had enough shit in it already, of course the shit truck has to crash and spil

– I can’t believe #ReadytoRumble was written by the same dude that wrote No Country For Old Men

– Nuns singing “Runnin’ with the Devil” so many stark contrasts to this movie, written by the guy who did Moon

– oh it’s that ginger that ate pubes in that one movie & stole a gumball machine in Can’t Hardly Wait

– Things that #ReadytoRumble taught me: The Internet is a remarkable tool from the future!

– why does Oliver Platt look like a fat Beatle?

– little known fact: Oliver Platt’s performance in #ReadytoRumbleinspired @steveaustinBSR ‘s heel turn in 2001

– pretty sure this movie was stolen from that episode of the Simpsons where Krusty quits, soon Caan & Arquette bathe Platt

– little known fact: #ReadytoRumble was partially responsible for the inspiration to create the Divas division; also, #tits

– next up: DDP shoves an old lady!

– That’s future World Champion David Arquette you’re throwing around!

– good to know that Rose McGowan always had shitty taste, oh hey, Disco Inferno

– coming to terms with the fact that my 6000th Tweet is going to be about #ReadytoRumble … or saving the animals give me a great thing 2 RT!

– little know fact: this movie turned Martin Landau into an insomniac, he has not slept since the 90s

– fridges don’t bleed liquids

– um, wrestlers are neither spies nor ninjas Sid Vicious and Perry Saturn

– I seriously thought Martin Landau was going to no-sell that chair shot

– Rose McGowan might as well be wearing a shirt that says TITS on it

– oh my goodness @JohnCena you’re in #ReadytoRumble ? THAT BRINGS THIS WHOLE THING FULL CIRCLE

– Kid Rock on the soundtrack with the Twin Towers onscreen makes the movie timeless #ReadytoRumble #NeverForget

– I totally did not need to see Scott Caan’s naked ass multiple times; wrestling events typically aren’t held at the MGM Grand

– little known fact: acting in #ReadytoRumble is what inspired Sting to become a born-again Christian

– when Scott Caan is the brightest character in the movie.. well, fuck, I mean really?

– little known fact: this movie has increased my desire to either kill myself or kill someone else

– I wonder if #ReadytoRumble is going to be worse than #Godzilla1998 in my opinion? HMMM

– DDP was just killed by Oliver Platt, and in real wrestling they blade, not fake blood #lame

– Royal Bash is the worst PPV name ever

In summation: jesus fuck, who… why.. did.. sigh.  Horrible.  It’s like the makers of this movie were  all “So they think pro wrestling is only for rednecks?  WELL WE’LL SHOW THEM THEYS RIGHT!”  It was actually worse than Godzilla (1998) and if you’ve seen that movie you’re probably all how?  But it is.  This movie pretty much encapsulates why still, to this very day, being a fan of pro wrestling is a secret shame for us high-brow intellectuals.  The redeemable aspects of this movie can be summed up as Rose McGowan’s non-naked boobs and a sad reminder of all the talented wrestlers that WCW employed and have died since 2000.  Yup, Tits and Death.  Thanks WCW!

0.5 / 5

If you were as surprised as I was that John Cena was in this movie, you should check out the Wiki page for it, and maybe the IMDb if you really feel terrible.

About SkoochXC
Long-time blogger, Canadian, cine-snark-aphile, Tweeter and generally lonely hearted guy.

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